Time Traveling

With my college graduation looming (tomorrow, technically), it seemed an appropriate time to do a little time traveling.

I was trying to get a start on cleaning my room in preparation for packing and made the mistake of opening up some of my old notebooks.

I've journaled for most of my life, but only recently have I felt comfortable enough to write for the world to see. I used to dread having people read things I wrote (and rightly so--some of the things I wrote in middle school should be incinerated).

Tonight, though, I found something I wanted to share. [No worries, it's not from middle school.] It's actually not from very long ago at all. This was written just over five years ago, and just as I was emerging from one of the darkest times of my life thus far.


March 4, 2008

It has been 264 days. 264 days I have been a resident of this country once again. The present is so incredibly much more bearable now. In fact, it is now enjoyable. I turned the corner awhile ago, and everything has looked brighter to me since.
Transition. I'm not sure I loathe the word, but I certainly don't look on it with a kind eye.
Generally speaking and on paper, the word causes no problems. In reality, however, I have been wrestling with it for most of my life. And "wrestling" is very appropriate terminology.
How I have fought. Soundlessly, wordlessly, in the overwhelming silence of loneliness penetrating my confused and whirling mind.
Each tick-tick-tick of the clock pierced the deepest part of my heart. With each breath, I breathed pain in and out. Everywhere I looked, everything I touched, every word I uttered, and each step I took hurt.
I did not want to get to know these people, nor did they want to know me. Drawing into myself was the only solution, and I knew they would not follow. I was right. They did not even take interest.
People, as a general rule, don't care how much you know (who you are, where you come from, what makes you tick) until they know how much you care. Care about them as people. It was not until I began to care that I began to be cared about.
Things still seem strange sometimes. There are things; experiences that happened before anyone here even knew that I existed that I will never know of. But I've learned that what truly matters is that I am right here right now.