The Funny Thing About Using Labels

We can say all we want that we don't like labels or using labels to describe ourselves or other people, but (to quote a friend of mine), "it is what it is."

Sometimes, it seems, labels are the only way we know how to describe the reality we're confronting. 

"Liberal" and "conservative" are two such labels.

And so, according to most people who have known me well for longer than four or five years, they would probably tell you that my views on life and Christianity and God and... well...  everything have changed some in just the few years I've been in college. 

"What do you mean, 'they've changed'?" 

Umm, my definitions of a lot of things have changed, and I've just started to think more deeply about situations and religion and politics, etc. and don't necessarily see things the same way I used to.

"Well, okay. Meaning...?"

Fine. I'm not as conservative now as I was five years ago.

See? Now you know exactly what I mean. 

It's been an interesting journey, getting to where I am now. And I know several people who, in some ways, will probably think I'm on some kind of downward spiral into secularist relativist humanism or some other horrible kind of "ism." Many of whom worry about me and pray that I will find my way back to a fold I'm not sure I was ever in.

I just completed my senior project, in which I used language on stage--something I would not have felt comfortable doing my freshman year at IWU. As I grew in my understand of God and of myself, however, I came to a place of peace about this, because the character and I are not the same person. Apparently, however, in some people's eyes, my evolving views on this subject are [what some would call] "liberal."

But it's funny how labels then get turned on their heads.

I found myself in an interesting situation this week. 

My Christian university has hired an outside company to come and create video representations of several different departments to be used by the admissions office, Theatre being one of these departments. First of all, I was intrigued that we were remembered. I feel as though, because the Theatre department is not very large, it has sometimes been overlooked in these types of ventures and promotions. I found out in the middle of the musical, however, that they were creating one for the Theatre department. They told me that they had been given my name, and asked if they could feature me in the video. I agreed, and have been corresponding with them this week about shots they'd like to get and footage they'd like to use for the video. One of the sequences they suggested didn't sit well with me, however. 

The request was to shoot a sequence of me praying and reading the bible in the Williams Prayer Chapel on campus. This may not seem like a strange request to you at all if you are familiar with the IWU campus and culture. It would seem to provide visuals to fulfill what I assume are the goals and objectives of the admissions video--to highlight a student taking academic and spiritual life very seriously. (In this case, it might be more to show that theatre people at IWU aren't ungodly pagans--not sure about that one.) But something about the request rubbed me the wrong way and made me uncomfortable. At first I couldn't figure out exactly what it was, but after thinking about it for a while, I figured it out.

It would feel so posed. Fake. Unauthentic. 

My spiritual and prayer life are things I take very seriously. In Matthew 6, Jesus says to, when you pray, go into your room and close the door--the Father sees what you do in secret. And so, when I thought bout posing for shots doing something I tend to hold as very sacred and private, I cringed a little inside. 

I understand that this all probably sounds very strange coming from an actor. Someone who essentially wants to pose and re-create actions and moments for a living. But maybe that's why I hold this particular things as something so sacred. We all have sacred things. And this would not be a character. This is me.

I wrote them back detailing my reservations and, fortunately, they completely understood. Both of the guys I've been talking to are Christians too and understood where I was coming from, and they are willing to work with me to try to find a different solution that would not be as forced or posed. This was a huge relief to me. I almost cried when I read the email.

And maybe labels don't really work in this situation, but it occurred to me that, for all my evolving views on the differences between characters and actors and how my understanding of my faith works within the context of theatre, expressing these reservations made me feel oddly like I was a freshman again, unsure how I felt about saying "shit" on stage.

What's my label? 

I'll let you figure that one out.