Rachel Corrie Research: A World Unlocked

For a long time I've wondered whether I'm an introvert or an extrovert. Different people who have known me at different times of my life will probably have different answers--there was a time in my life when I and people who knew me would have answered "introvert" without thinking twice. As I've gone through phases of life, I've begun answering "extrovert," but I do have to think twice, because I'm never positive. I've taken numerous personality tests during my college career, and the results all spit out "extrovert," but only just barely. Usually, if I answer just one question differently it would spit out "introvert." They also say that no one can be both an introvert and an extrovert--you have to be one or the other (or one is more default than the other, like being right- or left-handed). I guess I understand that. I guess. But anyway.

All that to say that, while I despise having to talk to strangers, sell things, or participate in mingle meet-and-greets, I do definitely claim one characteristic of extroverts: I process out loud. When I'm thinking or sorting through something in my head, it can't just stay in my head. I need a sounding board; I need to think out loud (which, I could argue, is partially why this blog even exists). I have to talk things over with someone.

And so, a million thanks to my new running partner Adam (don't look so shocked - yes, I've started running) for being willing to listen to my jumbled thoughts through my agonized huffing and puffing every other day. And to my director, Dr. Katie, for letting me ramble my way through the craziest half-baked opinions over tea in her office.

I've started working ferociously on what will be my senior project (even at this point that's still a statement of faith--there are a lot of variables on this one)- a one-woman play called My Name is Rachel Corrie, about which there has already been a little bit of controversy. I'm moving forward on it, however. And along with producing any piece of theatre comes some dramaturgical work and background research, which I'm doing myself as a part of the project.

I was a newcomer to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict that is the backdrop of the play. Up to this point in my life I have not had much exposure to politics, including foreign policy matters. (I'm not sure whether it has anything to do with the fact that I grew up in a South American country or if that only makes it harder to believe.) My introductions to politics have come with 1) merely spending time in the Communication Division and 2) taking an American Civ after 1865 class in which history could not be separated from politics. But not even those introductions began to touch on the subject material I'm swimming in now.

I learned quite a bit about the Holocaust in several classes all through school of course--English, History, even Economics. We even learned a little bit about the modern state of Israel if I remember correctly. And in my junior year World History and senior year AP Government classes we studied some current events, but I was never the kid who got excited about history or current events and so never delved into them. I loved literature--the devastating awe of reading "The Diary of Anne Frank" and Elie Wiesel's "Night." But I was not prepared for the moral, ethical, intellectual, political, spiritual explosion that happened in my head when I started investigating the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

I feel like a little kid standing on my tiptoes trying to peer through a window into a room where a lot of grown-ups are arguing vehemently about something I'm having trouble understanding and trying to make sense of it all.

And this is where the processing comes in. I am having trouble grasping everything. I'm struggling with trying to make up my mind and construct my own opinions. I'm struggling to know when I should try to make up my own mind and when I should ask the opinions of people older and wiser than I. I'm struggling with the ethics. I'm struggling with the way my own faith, in some ways, seems to complicate my interpretations and understanding rather than facilitate them. I'm struggling with not having a background in politics to begin with. I'm struggling with what I assume those close to me expect me to think and what I discover. And I'm struggling with the concept that ethics and faith do not always seem to match up.

And then, through it all, I'm also trying to piece together how Rachel Corrie saw it all.

I know two things for sure, though. Firstly, an entire world has been unlocked to me. And while I've decided to leave the actual "processing" for my rehearsals with Dr. Katie and my running sessions with Adam and absent from this post, I can report that I now wonder more than once a day how much other stuff in the world I'm missing. And, secondly, I recognize that I still have a very long way to go, and that I will not remotely resemble an expert on this even by the time of my first performance of My Name is Rachel Corrie in the fall.

Nineteen pages into the script, Rachel has just arrived in Jerusalem in January, 2003. Writing in her journal, she explains,

The scariest thing for non-Jewish Americans in talking about Palestinian self-determination is the fear of being or sounding anti-Semitic. The people of Israel are suffering, and Jewish people have a long history of oppression. We still have some responsibility for that, but I think it's important to draw a firm distinction between the policies of Israel, as a state, and Jewish people... Anyway, this kind of stuff I just think about all the time and my ideas evolve. I'm really new to talking about Israel-Palestine, so I don't always know the political implications of my words. 

Believe me when I say that I won't have to try hard to make those words believable. She took the words right out of my mouth. Actually, I guess I'm taking them right out of hers.