Life Update... Like a Grown-Up

It's been a bit of a desert over here recently--I haven't posted for a while. I had a pretty busy summer which has turned into a pretty busy fall, so that's (in part) what's kept me from writing. I also haven't had the writing itch anytime recently, which is rather uncharacteristic and a little disconcerting--I'm not exactly sure what to make of it.

My biggest news?

I think I'm a grown-up.

I know! I know! Who knew, right?

I spent the summer after graduation gallivanting across Europe--a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that I still think fondly of almost every day. Ireland was so beautiful [and so much freaking fun], and my time in England was formative and educational. I learned so much in England--how the trains work, how to survive at a hostel, how to get myself from point A to point B without panicking, how to purchase a SIM card for a cell phone, how to shop for groceries in a European culture, which pubs in Oxford to recommend, and how to be a better researcher at possibly the very best research library in the world.

I had so much fun across the pond, but I discovered something. I was very glad to go home. When I put my head against the headrest on that plane that was going to land in Chicago, Illinois, I can't describe the feeling of relief that washed over me. And when I was relaxing in the car with my parents on the four-hour drive back to our Anne-of-Green-Gables house in Marion, Indiana, I felt calm and at ease in a way I hadn't in months.

For all the transitions I've been through in my life, for as much as I love to travel and see new places, and for as much as I love a grand adventure, I'm kind of a homebody. Again: who knew??

Though it's really not so much the place. It's the people. It's always been that way. There's nothing particularly relieving about Chicago, Illinois or Marion, Indiana. The fact that I knew I would see those places soon only brought me relief because of the people I knew would be there when I arrived. The people in my life--as I've always known--are what matter most to me.

I had a lovely month and a half in Marion. I spent lots of good time with good friends, kept Starbucks and JuJu Berry in business, and even got a few things done. Like. Packing up my life.

And then the day finally came, and I moved.

I now live in a small apartment in the lovely town of Staunton, Virginia, home of the American Shakespeare Center and the Mary Baldwin College Shakespeare and Performance graduate program.

It's not exactly BRAND new. I lived in one of the college dorms for six weeks last summer when I interned for ASC, and I visited again in February when my Shakespeare and Performance class at IWU came for a week during our Spring Break for a week of workshops in what was called a  Little Academe.

I wish I could tell you the transition has been seamless and that it feels like I belong here. But I'm just going to be honest with you. It doesn't, and I can't.

I would say I'm homesick, but I know better. I don't miss Indiana or Marion or even IWU, necessarily. I don't miss places. I miss people. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my professors. And I miss familiarity.

That's not to say I haven't already met some lovely people here. I have. It's just not warm like IWU. I'd really like to find a church where I can be a part of a Christian community again. And I know from experience that it will take time to adjust to this new phase. Thank goodness I have wonderful people in my life who've reassured me and reminded me not to feel like a failure, even if it takes more than a few weeks. It can be a slow process. And I'm learning to be okay with that.

I think I'm normal. I think a lot of people struggle at least a little after college. Not to the same degree, and not everyone in the same way. But it's normal. That's nice to know.

I read this Huffington Post article somebody in my Facebook feed posted this morning, and while I think it's a little simplistic, I think there's also quite a bit of truth in it. So here's the thing: just know that even if it looks like I'm successful because I graduated, spent a summer in Europe, and then started a graduate program in my field, know that I'm not perfect, and that I'm struggling too. Just in different ways. I feel you, grads. I'm there too. Let's hang in there. And because I think I'll always be a little bit of a Pollyanna, I'll find things to be thankful for while I can.

I have a place to live. I had enough money to pay rent for my first month. My parents are wonderful and came to help me settle in, and bought me a brand new dehumidifier so I didn't have to grow gills to sleep in my room. My cat and I are both still alive and healthy (I'm not totally failing at the responsibility thing!) and he likes to snuggle when I'm feeling down. I got a part time job working in the Box Office at a theatre company I admire. My refund check came through. The shower head in my shower is pretty great. I'm slowly regaining feeling in the tip of my left pinky after slamming it in a door a week and a half ago (long, slightly embarrassing story... I'm just thankful the feeling's coming back). After dropping a class, I feel like I can actually cope with life. And so many things could be so much worse.

So there's my Thespian MK life update. Like a grown-up. Who knew?