Well. I daresay it's about time there was a blog update having something to do with theatre. I should be doing some homework but eehh.
The last semester of my senior year has gotten off to a smashing start. It's going to be a good one, I'm hoping. I have a pretty lax schedule, which is nice. (And necessary--but I'll get to that later.) I'm only taking 12 credit hours - the bare minimum to be a full-time student.
I'm in:
- Voice Lessons (1 credit - 1/2 hr/week + practice time)
- Shakespeare in Performance (3 credits - meets once a week on Mondays + Spring Break trip to the American Shakespeare Center!)
- Stage Design I - Lighting & Set Design (3 credits - Tuesday/Thursdays)
- Senior Project (3 credits - meets every other Wednesday + outside work on project, AND all my senior project hours are actually already completed, I just have two more performances of Rachel Corrie to go!)
- Radio ComLab (1 credit - 1-3 live radio shift every Wednesday + weekly meeting)
- Theatre ComLab (1 credit - no regular meetings, using hours from Secret Garden)
Then I'm auditing a Voice and Movement class, and am a Teaching Assistant for the Symbols & Imaging class. I'm also still working as Publicity Coordinator for the IWU Theatre Guild, and have two small, non-singing roles in The Secret Garden, playing March 14-16 and 21-23.
Oh, and then the outside things.
Right after classes started again, I got the chance to attend KC-ACTF and compete as a partner in the Irene Ryans. I got to attend and compete in the Ryans all four years of college, so that was pretty spectacular. It meant that my partner and I missed almost three days of the first week of school, but it was totally worth it.
And now, pretty much every single weekend from here on out is packed full with something.
February 3rd - may be headed up to Chicago for a private grad school audition
February 8-10 - made my very first hotel reservation by myself, for myself. It was nerve-wracking, but I'll be in Memphis for UPTAs!
February 14-16 - House Managing for IWU's production of Steel Magnolias. I'm excited to see it!
February 23-25 - MidWest Auditions in St. Louis, Missouri. I did these last year and I'm going back again this year - we'll see what happens.
March 2-9 - Spring Break trip at the American Shakespeare Center! SO excited. (Also doing some grad school-related campus visit stuff while I'm there.)
March 14-16 and 21-23 - Performances for IWU's production of The Secret Garden
March 29-April 1 - Easter Break
April 4 & 5 - Round 2 of performances for my senior project, My Name is Rachel Corrie
Thankfully, the last two weekends of the school year are (so far) unoccupied and, considering what the rest of my semester looks like and the fact that I'm already tired and stressed just thinking about all the traveling I'm going to be doing, I'm kind of hoping they stay that way.
Monday-Wednesday, April 22-24 are final exams,
Saturday, April 27 is Baccalaureate, and
Sunday, April 28 is Commencement!
Holy yikes. I'm graduating from college.
After that?
Well, my summer plans, at the moment, consist of auditing a May Term Travel Writing class, May 1-21, followed by a few weeks of down time, before starting a five-week summer study program at Oxford in June and July.
And after that?
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Monday, December 17, 2012
Sometimes I Scare Myself
During the semester I don't have the time to myself to just sit and think. So you know it's got to be dangerous when I do.
I scare myself sometimes.
I just came through a semester where I performed the character of Rachel Corrie, who left her life of privilege to go live with and try to understand the world from the perspective of people without rights, let alone privileges.
She was scared of herself too, you know. Her words are still in my head; I can tell you. She was terrified of the complacency she knew she was capable of.
That I know I'm capable of. That I have.
"I'm scared of people. Particularly people in the greater Olympia area. This is another place where progressive white people escaped a few decades ago." "If I lived in Bosnia or Rwanda or who know where else, needless death wouldn't be a distant symbol to me. It wouldn't be a metaphor. It would be a reality. And I have no right to this metaphor. But I use it. To console myself." "For a long time I've been operating from a certain core assumption that we are all essentially the same inside, and that our differences are by and large situational... I understand there's a good chance that this assumption is actually false. But it's convenient. Because it always leads to questions about the way privilege shelters people from the consequences of their actions. It's also convenient because it leads to some level of forgiveness, whether justified or not. It is my own selfishness and will to optimism that wants to believe that even people with a great deal of privilege don't just sit idly by and watch." "And I won't be afraid to come back, like I've always been afraid before."
I say I want to make a difference.
I say I want to be selfless.
And here I sit, enrolled at a private university I'm not even paying tuition for. Planning to spend twelve weeks in Europe over the summer and hoping to attend graduate school after that. Shopping for shoes and dresses I'm not even paying for, sitting in the mall eating $5 ice cream I shouldn't have bought silently hating myself. Sitting on the couch and binge-watching a TV show about a privileged upper class English family, not even bothering to read about the violence and horror and atrocities that are happening in other parts of the world as I type that we never hear about unless we make the effort to search for it, and certainly not lifting a finger to help. Not even bothering to volunteer in my own community. Walking through the parking lot and noticing a pile of trash someone must have carelessly shoved out of their car and thinking, "I'll pick that stuff up and throw in in a trash can when I come out of the store," then walking straight past it, getting in my car and driving away. Shedding tears for complete strangers as I read reports of what happened at an elementary school hundreds of miles away but hesitant to even turn around and shake hands with the people I've never met sitting behind me in church. Shake hands. My God. Who am I?
Saturday, November 24, 2012
An Irish Blessing to Warm your Heart
My grandmother sent me this Irish blessing today, and it warmed my heart, so I thought I'd share it.
May the blessing of light be upon you. Light on the outside, light on the inside. With God's sunlight shining on you, may your heart glow with warmth like a turf fire that welcomes friends and strangers alike. May the light of the Lord shine from your eyes like a candle in the window, welcoming the weary traveler. May the blessing of God's soft rain be on you, falling gently on your head, refreshing your soul with the sweetness of little flowers newly blooming. May the strength of the winds of heaven bless you, carrying the rain to wash your spirit clean, sparkling after in the sunlight. May the blessing of God's earth be on you. And as you walk the roads, may you always have a kind word for those you meet. May you understand the strength and power of God in a thunderstorm in winter, and the quiet beauty of creation in the calm of a summer sunset. And may you come to realize that, insignificant as you may seem in this great universe, you are an important part of God's plan. May he watch over you, and keep you safe from harm.
Monday, November 5, 2012
It's Not Fair
It's not fair. That's all I can think about sometimes when I come out of rehearsal.
Rehearsing a show is a long, complicated, tiring, and sometimes tedious process. It's intensive, and it takes a lot out of you. But sometimes I walk out of rehearsals and I can't shake how unfair it is.
Unfair that the audiences who come see the show will, in a sense, see only the tip of the iceberg.
Before you accuse me of not understanding my job, I do know that it IS my job to do all the legwork of rehearsal and do all the intricate, tedious, intensive work to bring the character to life so that the things that are latent in the text come to life and are apparent to the audience--I know that. But that's not exactly what I mean.
I mean the discoveries I make--both in rehearsal and in research. I don't know if there's a way for me to get everything that I'm discovering and understanding across to an audience. Some of it, sure. But there are moments and discoveries and little understandings that no one besides me (and sometimes my director) will ever know.
It's not fair!
I wish I could show people--bring them along with me. But usually that's pretty impossible. And they probably wouldn't be half as excited about it as I am anyway.
And then I start to wonder...
does this make me selfish?
That I want to do this for a living because of moments like that, because of how excited they make me? To want to do something for a living because of how much I love it and how much I get out of it? That's the nature of an acting career, right? Actors don't act for the money, most of the time. They act because they love it, because it makes them come to life. That's certainly true for me.
But is that where my life and my purpose are supposed to stop?
Every once in a while, the doubts creep back. And I reach to justify it again, and I do, and I'm satisfied.
For the moment.
Until I start reveling in those moments again and I wonder,
does this make me selfish?
Rehearsing a show is a long, complicated, tiring, and sometimes tedious process. It's intensive, and it takes a lot out of you. But sometimes I walk out of rehearsals and I can't shake how unfair it is.
Unfair that the audiences who come see the show will, in a sense, see only the tip of the iceberg.
Before you accuse me of not understanding my job, I do know that it IS my job to do all the legwork of rehearsal and do all the intricate, tedious, intensive work to bring the character to life so that the things that are latent in the text come to life and are apparent to the audience--I know that. But that's not exactly what I mean.
I mean the discoveries I make--both in rehearsal and in research. I don't know if there's a way for me to get everything that I'm discovering and understanding across to an audience. Some of it, sure. But there are moments and discoveries and little understandings that no one besides me (and sometimes my director) will ever know.
It's not fair!
I wish I could show people--bring them along with me. But usually that's pretty impossible. And they probably wouldn't be half as excited about it as I am anyway.
And then I start to wonder...
does this make me selfish?
That I want to do this for a living because of moments like that, because of how excited they make me? To want to do something for a living because of how much I love it and how much I get out of it? That's the nature of an acting career, right? Actors don't act for the money, most of the time. They act because they love it, because it makes them come to life. That's certainly true for me.
But is that where my life and my purpose are supposed to stop?
Every once in a while, the doubts creep back. And I reach to justify it again, and I do, and I'm satisfied.
For the moment.
Until I start reveling in those moments again and I wonder,
does this make me selfish?
Friday, September 21, 2012
Takasago
It's really late, and I should go to bed, but I just read a Noh play for the first time. (Sad that I only just read one my senior year of college.)
I haven't had a whole lot of exposure to Asian theatre. I did a research paper on Kabuki for Advanced Writing my freshman year (had no idea what it was or what I was doing, but it was good to start thinking outside of the box and explore new kinds of theatre all at once--I was in Intro to Theatre at the same time).
So tonight I read Takasago by Zeami, generally considered the greatest Noh playwright. I mean, the man wrote 100 of the 240 plays in the active Noh repertory today.
Noh is one of Japan's forms of classical theatre. It was very much influenced by Zen Buddhism, as well as the strict feudal system that emerged in the late 12th century.
I liked especially the poetic nature of Takasago. A quote that one of the translators included:
Takasago by Zeami is a god or deity play about the paired pines of Takasago and Suminoe (or Sumiyoshi). Two travelers, Sideman and Sideman Second undertake a journey to Miyako, and hope to see sights along the way. They stop at Takasago, or “dune,” and see Doer and Second, an old couple. Second sweeps pine needles from under the pine with a broom while Doer (holding a rake) talks to Sideman and Sideman Second. Sideman asks about the Takasago pine and how its soul is supposedly paired with the Suminoe pine and asks how that can be since they are so far away (in different provinces). Doer and Second also happen to be from those exact same provinces, and we discover that they are actually the spirits of the two pines. Second explains that, “Though ten thousand leagues of hill and streams divide them, for lovers' hearts finely attuned, the way is never long.” They talk awhile longer about the pines, and then Sideman and Sideman Second call over a Fool to tell them more. He tells them they should go on a pilgrimage to the Suminoe pine, but they say they don’t have a way to get there. The Fool lets them borrow his boat, and they make the journey to the Suminoe pine, where they encounter the god of Sumiyoshi.
Like I said, I loved the poetry, and I really liked the romantic symbolism of the pines. I want to visit Japan and see some Noh plays.
Here's an excerpt from the beginning, when Sideman and Sideman Second are traveling:
Travel wear
unfolding long
Miyako Way
cut out for us
now waves touch shore
and ship lanes lie
calm the spring breeze
how many days
stretch on, ahead
behind, all's vague
white clouds trail away
And here are a couple of pictures. There's something about that image of the old couple, one with a broom and one with a rake, tending to the pine trees that is time- and culture-transcendent. Which is probably why they call it the "best-loved" one.
So, there you have it. My Theatre History homework. I should probably sleep now.
I haven't had a whole lot of exposure to Asian theatre. I did a research paper on Kabuki for Advanced Writing my freshman year (had no idea what it was or what I was doing, but it was good to start thinking outside of the box and explore new kinds of theatre all at once--I was in Intro to Theatre at the same time).
So tonight I read Takasago by Zeami, generally considered the greatest Noh playwright. I mean, the man wrote 100 of the 240 plays in the active Noh repertory today.
Noh is one of Japan's forms of classical theatre. It was very much influenced by Zen Buddhism, as well as the strict feudal system that emerged in the late 12th century.
I liked especially the poetic nature of Takasago. A quote that one of the translators included:
The principal Japanese word for 'poem' is uta, which more generally means song. Thus we are told that "each sound of beings feeling and non-feeling, every last one, is a song."Takasago is referred to as the best-loved god play, and I think I know why. Here's the story line--
Takasago by Zeami is a god or deity play about the paired pines of Takasago and Suminoe (or Sumiyoshi). Two travelers, Sideman and Sideman Second undertake a journey to Miyako, and hope to see sights along the way. They stop at Takasago, or “dune,” and see Doer and Second, an old couple. Second sweeps pine needles from under the pine with a broom while Doer (holding a rake) talks to Sideman and Sideman Second. Sideman asks about the Takasago pine and how its soul is supposedly paired with the Suminoe pine and asks how that can be since they are so far away (in different provinces). Doer and Second also happen to be from those exact same provinces, and we discover that they are actually the spirits of the two pines. Second explains that, “Though ten thousand leagues of hill and streams divide them, for lovers' hearts finely attuned, the way is never long.” They talk awhile longer about the pines, and then Sideman and Sideman Second call over a Fool to tell them more. He tells them they should go on a pilgrimage to the Suminoe pine, but they say they don’t have a way to get there. The Fool lets them borrow his boat, and they make the journey to the Suminoe pine, where they encounter the god of Sumiyoshi.
Like I said, I loved the poetry, and I really liked the romantic symbolism of the pines. I want to visit Japan and see some Noh plays.
Here's an excerpt from the beginning, when Sideman and Sideman Second are traveling:
Travel wear
unfolding long
Miyako Way
cut out for us
now waves touch shore
and ship lanes lie
calm the spring breeze
how many days
stretch on, ahead
behind, all's vague
white clouds trail away
And here are a couple of pictures. There's something about that image of the old couple, one with a broom and one with a rake, tending to the pine trees that is time- and culture-transcendent. Which is probably why they call it the "best-loved" one.
So, there you have it. My Theatre History homework. I should probably sleep now.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
I Love My Senior Project: (in which I vent optimism and excitement)
I love working on My Name is Rachel Corrie. I love that this is my senior project.
Unfortunately, while I love working on it and talking about it, I don't want to talk about it all the time, nor do I feel like I can talk about it with everyone. Therefore I'll just vent all my excitement here. So. If you're reading this, yay for you. ILOVETHISPROJECT.
We did a full run-through on Thursday that ran an hour and twenty minutes (EXACTLY my target run-time!), shaving an entire twenty minutes off my previous run-time.
I mean, I'll take it.
In the run-through, I was present with the text--very much in the moment. My energy stayed up, and my director said she could feel it driving the run. I did call for line once, and there were a handful of times when I got stuck because of lines--I still can't get through the whole thing without getting stuck in a couple of places. My stage manager, Honey, and my media-tech designer, Daniel, both saw it for the first time, and perhaps MOST encouraging to me was that they both came out of it saying that I held their attention and kept them engaged the entire time. Which is more than I could have hoped for in an hour-twenty-minute performance of a one-woman show. Maybe there's hope yet.
I'm now in the middle of working on acquiring costume and some final props. Which, when you're budgetless, can be merciless to college student pockets. But I really love this project, and so I don't mind paying for things at all. It's just difficult.
I still need:
An ash try (note to self: check props closet)
Fake stage cigarettes
3 to 4 1990s fashion magazines
A package or two of black ballpoint pens
Khaki cargo pants
Black or charcoal rib-knit tank top
Hiking boots (I'm currently highest bidder for a pair on Ebay--guess we'll see. I've never bid for anything on Ebay before. I'm thinking of it as an adventure.)
I found some of these recently. These first two are from the very first staging of My Name is Rachel Corrie--directed by Alan Rickman and starring Megan Dodds--at the Playhouse Theatre in London, April 2005. I really liked them.
And the rest of these images are from other productions of the show.
Unfortunately, while I love working on it and talking about it, I don't want to talk about it all the time, nor do I feel like I can talk about it with everyone. Therefore I'll just vent all my excitement here. So. If you're reading this, yay for you. ILOVETHISPROJECT.
We did a full run-through on Thursday that ran an hour and twenty minutes (EXACTLY my target run-time!), shaving an entire twenty minutes off my previous run-time.
I mean, I'll take it.
In the run-through, I was present with the text--very much in the moment. My energy stayed up, and my director said she could feel it driving the run. I did call for line once, and there were a handful of times when I got stuck because of lines--I still can't get through the whole thing without getting stuck in a couple of places. My stage manager, Honey, and my media-tech designer, Daniel, both saw it for the first time, and perhaps MOST encouraging to me was that they both came out of it saying that I held their attention and kept them engaged the entire time. Which is more than I could have hoped for in an hour-twenty-minute performance of a one-woman show. Maybe there's hope yet.
I'm now in the middle of working on acquiring costume and some final props. Which, when you're budgetless, can be merciless to college student pockets. But I really love this project, and so I don't mind paying for things at all. It's just difficult.
I still need:
An ash try (note to self: check props closet)
Fake stage cigarettes
3 to 4 1990s fashion magazines
A package or two of black ballpoint pens
Khaki cargo pants
Black or charcoal rib-knit tank top
Hiking boots (I'm currently highest bidder for a pair on Ebay--guess we'll see. I've never bid for anything on Ebay before. I'm thinking of it as an adventure.)
I found some of these recently. These first two are from the very first staging of My Name is Rachel Corrie--directed by Alan Rickman and starring Megan Dodds--at the Playhouse Theatre in London, April 2005. I really liked them.
And the rest of these images are from other productions of the show.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Senior Jitters?
Remember that time the little missionary kid became a working professional actor?
Unfortunately, I haven't heard that story yet. I mean, maybe it's happened, but if it has I haven't heard about it yet.
I'm not sure if it's because the first day of my senior year of college starts the day after tomorrow or if I'm just going nuts, but this weekend I suddenly got really scared.
I don't know what comes next.
I don't know how to get work as a professional actor.
I don't know how to get that first gig--that first job where I would get paid to act--that I could put on my resume that would announce to the world, "Look! Someone actually thought I had enough talent and skill and chutzpah to hire me and pay me to do my favorite thing in the entire world!"
Scarier yet: at this moment in time I can't envision myself doing anything else right after I graduate. I think this is what I'm supposed to do.
I'm compiling a list of theatres and auditions to look into this year and trying to keep calm. And I know I still have a year of school to go and that plenty of people (not just theatre majors) don't have a job lined up right after they graduate.
But so far that hasn't stopped me from shaking in my boots.
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